Sunday, March 02, 2008

Food Hates Me

On Friday we had two friends and their little six week old baby over for dinner. We weren't planning anything elaborate, just a roasted chicken, some potatoes and asparagus. Easy-peasy. I went out in the afternoon to pick up all the necessary ingredients, including the chicken. Well, come six o'clock when we're getting ready to stick the old bird in the oven, turns out she's rotten. With icky green spots on the wings, just in case the smell wasn't enough to tip us off. So we had a lovely spread of cheese, nuts and other 'appeteasers' followed by Chinese take-out.

Usually on Sundays we have waffles for breakfast. Well, Sam does. He loves waffles. L-O-V-E-S them. Especially the Trader Joe's blueberry kind. So today I bring him into the kitchen and sit his little behind up on the counter. He likes to help load his breakfast into the toaster and press the lever. In the freezer a brand-spanking-new box of blueberry waffles waited for us. I pulled them out, opened the box and found this:

The very first fucking waffle out of the box appeared to have been bitten. And that is a traditionally human sized bite, wouldn't you say? None of the other waffles in the box had been violated in any discernible way, but I wasn't taking any chances. In all likelihood it was probably just a prank pulled by some line workers, a la Laverne and Shirley with their glove on the beer bottle, but better safe than sorry. But try explaining that to a two year old. Denying him his weekend waffles elicited a tantrum like none other. Oh, and during that tantrum he threw a tin of jelly belly jelly beans, which exploded millions of sugary beans all over my kitchen, mostly on the floor. When I dared to sweep them up and throw them away, the tantrum began anew. Fun times.

But I guess, in the grand scheme of things, it's good that food seems to be hating on me. I start a Biggest Loser style contest at the Y tomorrow!

P.S. Lucy pooped in the tub tonight. For the past two years and four days I have been waiting for this to happen. Now I can finally relax.

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fidget said...

um, EW and EW and ew ew ew ewie!!!

Arizaphale said...

Tub poop? Check. Been there. Pre-bitten waffles???????????? Wild. Letter to manufacturer perhaps or would they simply not believe it?