Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Going to the Doctor Stinks!

I recently had my six week follow-up appointment with my obstetrician. Which? How did six (actually seven now) weeks go by so quickly?!??!? I mean, look at this baby:


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Seven weeks! Anyway, the doctor's office was packed as usual. My appointment was for 10:45am, and I knew the minute I walked in the door I wasn't getting out of there in time to pick Sam up at noon. Luckily I had an ounce of forethought and swapped cars with my sister-in-law, who was watching the girls, so she would be able to retrieve him at the appointed hour. I sat down and flipped open the magazine I brought with me, so I guess I had more than an ounce of forethought. Or maybe it's just that I've been burned by this office more times than I care to count, and an hour or more wait has become somewhat customary to me.

So I sit, and I read, and I text, and I read some more, and I cancel my appointment at the eye doctor's for 12:30, and I read some more. Finally I get called. Back in the exam room I de-pants and then wait some more.

So I'm sitting on the table with a drape over my naked nether parts for a good 15 minutes. During this time, I start to notice a little gurgle in my tummy. I've been trying to eat better to help get rid of some of this baby weight (and also that remaining baby weight from Lucy!) so every morning I've been having a bowl of kashi cereal. And every day around lunch time I suffer a bout of horrible flatulence. In fact, there should be a disclaimer somewhere on the box about that. Something like Kashi: It Makes You Gassy!

Sorry. I've been watching too much Mad Men.

Back in the exam room, I'm doing my best to hold in all of the noxious fumes because I know that the second I relax and pass some of that gas, the door will open. Finally, after waiting, and waiting, and waiting, I couldn't hold it in anymore. I farted, silently, and cringed, waiting for the smell. But the smell never came.

But there was a knock on the door.

As the doctor walked into the room I realized that the fart had gotten trapped under the drape! Which led to the following dilemma: do I try and nonchalantly flap the smell out while I'm conversing with the doctor and have to see the look on his face when the stench finally reaches him, or do I let it remain trapped under the sheet and have it smack him in the face when he does my exam when I'll be fully reclined and unable to see his reaction?

I decided that ignorance is bliss. Thank god I don't have to see the doctor but once a year.

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5 comments:

Lora said...

my doc walked in on me "flapping" one time.


it was so bad, that I was standing up!!

I apologized and she said there was no reason too, that her face was pooped in twice during deliveries that morning!

carrie said...

i have been so under a rock...for like six weeks i think! i am desperately trying to catch up with my blog reading...and i'm so glad i didn't miss this one!

first the picture (gah! makes my ovaries ache!) and then the laugh...that was great! thanks.

Megan said...

oh my...what a great laugh for a friday morning for me :)!

Daniel said...

that's what he gets for making you wait. I say crop dust him everytime you can till he gets you in and out on time

Arizaphale said...

hhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahaahahahahahahahahahahahah
YOU CRACK ME RIGHT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahhahahhhaa