Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Anal Babies

I work with this girl, let’s call her Lisa, who doesn’t like me. I’m not really sure why, but she decided a long time ago that I was her nemesis. Most of the time our work areas don’t overlap, so we have little interaction and little conflict. Lately, however she’s decided to go out of her way to be a super pain-in-the-ass slut bitch. Initially, around the time our office has annual performance reviews, she was heard telling people that if for some reason I got a promotion and she didn’t, she was going to pitch a fit. Mind you I wasn’t even up for a promotion. Then she started insinuating to people that I was pregnant. The piece de resistance, however, occurred more recently. She was complaining to her manager that I wasn’t doing any work, at all. In reality, I was very busy and simply working in another laboratory. She complained about me so much that her manager brought it up in a meeting with my manager and their big manager. Thankfully my manager and the big boss both knew I was working on a massive project and her manager looked pretty stupid. Which brings us around to the present. I have tried through all of this to maintain as much maturity as possible. However yesterday I saw her doing something in the lab which was curious. She was taking some extra safety precautions with her work, which is something that has been recommended when you are, in fact, pregnant. So I mentioned this to Dr. SOB last night and asked him if he thought it would be awful of me to mention this to some people who are known for being gossips. He thought this was a great idea, and even suggested that I add some embellishments. His version of the story was that she was out buying some cocaine a few weeks ago and didn’t have enough money, so she let her dealer fuck her in the ass. It turns out that she has some weird genetic mutation in which her ass is internally connected with her vagina, and now she is pregnant with an anal baby. He thinks people will believe me because they know he is an MD, and if they have any doubt I should assure them that this could totally happen if you were a coked-up genetic freak of nature. Would you buy it?

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1 comment:

bolton said...

not only would i buy it, i'd pay top dollar for it.

we're talking about the coked up anal baby, right?