Monday, July 11, 2005

Brides, Blow Jobs and Everything in Between



On Saturday my friend Carrie had her (final, I think) bridal shower in her hometown of Woonsocket, RI. On Friday afternoon, our friend Laura, her boyfriend Eric and I embarked on a journey of epic proportions. We traveled the entire way to Rhode Island in near constant bumper-to-bumper traffic and pounding, biblical style rain. It was only once we got beyond Providence, RI and only had about 30 miles to go did things let up. There were many, many insanity moments, and Laura, who reads this blog (Hi Laura!) kept identifying moments she thought would end up in the blog. Let me share with all of you lovely internet people. To most of the general populace, I am a polite, well mannered girl. Some of you who know the darker side of me know that I am a huge fan of vulgarity. I’m not talking about your run of the mill ‘shit’ and ‘mother fucker’ here. I like to weave a tapestry of profanity at times so complex, it’s nearly poetic. I usually reserve this behavior for the Dr. because in other circumstances, it could get me fired, deported, etc. So we were driving along not too far from the Tapan Zee Bridge and traffic was just beginning to move. We had that moment where things look like they might be on the up and up and the speedometer breaks 40 mph and you’re just euphoric. And then. Things. Suck. Even. Worse. At this point I kind of lost it and shouted ‘Jesus! Why does this traffic have to suck a big fat one?’ The best part was, I just barely stopped myself from saying ‘big fat cock’ but Laura and Eric were still shocked at my outburst. Once at work, I declared that my boss could go suck a bog fat cock in front of a group on 6 or 7 men, and I thought they were going to cry. They all looked down at the floor and wouldn’t make eye contact with me. Oh well, love me or leave me!

The shower was lovely. The food served at the restaurant was as big as my head.














Laura had a wonderful idea of making a hat out of the bows from presents instead of a bow bouquet, and Carrie wore it like a pro!














The wedding is in just a few weeks, and I think it’s going to be the event of the summer!

P.S. I am totally hating on this website right now because it took me forty-fucking-five minutes to get these pictures in right and I still don't like the way the look! Fuck you, blogger!

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1 comment:

bolton said...

i can think of nothing funnier than the image of a big fat cock causing traffic. not exactly what i think people mean by "cock block" but, eh, the phrase gets the job done.