Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Sister Tight Panties and Officer Dumb Fucking Idiot or How I learned to Stop Worrying and Learned to Lose All Hope in Modern Society

My office is approximately 2 miles from a very small Catholic School, which gets dismissed nearly the same time as I do. Depending on traffic, about 50% of the time as I near this school, the flashing yellow lights indicate the busses are loading and a reduction of speed is necessary. I am a very law abiding citizen and always pay attention for these flashing yellow lights, and reduce my speed appropriately. Today, as I approached the school, the lights were not illuminated in any fashion, and no school busses were around, so I accelerated to my normal speed of 40 miles per hour. A very conservative speed, I assure you. This road I travel has one lane for each direction and a center turning lane for both to share. As I drove, I noticed about 50 feet in front of me a bicyclist approaching in the center turning lane with his arm elevated and bent, a signal I had learned in elementary school that indicated he was turning. This bicyclist had no identifying apparel or signage on his person, by the way. He was wearing a tan t-shirt and shorts, and a plain black helmet. As I got closer, I could see that he was shouting something, and all of a sudden he pedaled into my lane, putting himself directly in front of my vehicle. I slammed on the brakes and veered onto the shoulder, gasping for breath. This guy comes over to my car, and as I roll down the window, he shouts “This is a school zone, slow down!” I informed him that I was aware of the school zone, but that I didn’t see any school vehicles, and that the ‘school zone’ lights were off. He said, “I know. I’m the police and they called me because the sign is out. That’s why I was waving at you! Now slow down!” As I turned to see if I could merge back onto the road, I see this dried up old nun on the other side of the road shaking her fist at me! First of all, fuck you, nun. Second, does anyone else think it is beyond stupid that an officer of the law, in unmarked clothing, would drive into traffic waving his arm in a fashion that imitates a universal sign for “turning bicyclist” while shouting at people with their air conditioners on? I have a great deal of respect for the police and have been in situations where their services have provided me with protection from dangerous situations, and I was and am grateful for that. However, knowing that this dumb fuck is a member of the police force kind of makes me worry about any potentially dangerous situations I may find myself in in the future.

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3 comments:

Anonymous said...
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6foot5 said...
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Anonymous said...

Seister you are hilarious

-Tori