Sunday, December 31, 2006

10,000 Little Changes

10,000 changes. I figure that's how many changes I've been through since my kids were born. Some were little. Some were painful. Some I watched others go though. Some, I thought, would alter my very existence. And I'm still changing.

I remember the first change. Apprehension. Doubt. My husband was with me as it happened. From that first contraction to the rush to the operating room for the emergency C-section, little did I know how much more I would change after my son Zach arrived.

Through all these changes, so many things have happened.

I went through post-partum depression, something that still haunts me today in many other manifestations like my bond with my son and constant paranoia that the slightest bout of PMS is surely bring back the blanketing darkness.

I learned to sustain another human life with my own body - from pregnancy to breastfeeding. Those changes during breastfeeding were awe-inspiring.

I went through the emergence, butterfly-like, out of the cocoon of depression and spread my maternal wings. Each change I went through then was a new experience, as even the little changes seemed so much more detailed and vivid.

I came off the anti-depressants in time to learn I was pregnant with my daughter. Still the changes continued.

I gave birth to my daughter in January of this year. Now, more changes. More details and nuances that I'd never thought possible.

And the changes continue, with what seems like no end in sight.

I never thought 10,000 dirty diapers would alter a person's life so much.

This post was written by Pam, who's hanging out here at Amy's blog. Pam can usually be found over at her blog, A Boy and His Blog, where Amy is today. Pam needs to change the name of her blog since the birth of her daughter, but you know, the more things change, the more they stay the same.

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K said...

Yep. Damn those diapers -- but I wouldn't trade them in.

Okay. Maybe for the curious george underpants :)

Bobita said...

Ah, the diapies. What changes they bring. Some changes are yellow, some brown, some stinky...okay, all are stinky! But in a cute kind of way. Sort of.

Paige said...

Oh, but they do. Nothing will humble you more than a vile diaper.

Well, maybe acid reflux. But even so...

dana said...

Speaking of do I potty train my two year old???

Great post! Diapers really get to us after awhile!

Karianna said...

Yes, the diapers get you every time. :)

Best wishes for a sanitary 2007!

Kim said...

I never had postpartum depression, but I heard it is awful. I'm glad that you made it through okay. Now your diapers have doubled though!

Thanks for commenting over at my place.

Alex Elliot said...

Thank you so much for sharing about your post-partum depression. I wish more women would talk about it because it is so common. Congratulations on the birth of your daughter!

Heather said...

Yeah, those kiddos have a way of making changes for us.

Soooo worth it though.

Jenn said...

no matter what, it does always seem to come down to the diapers... :D Thanks for sharing about your post-partum depression, and I'm glad it seems you're doing well!

Amy Jo said...

I fear and dread the thought of having two in diapers! Shudder!