10,000 Little Changes

10,000 changes. I figure that's how many changes I've been through since my kids were born. Some were little. Some were painful. Some I watched others go though. Some, I thought, would alter my very existence. And I'm still changing.

I remember the first change. Apprehension. Doubt. My husband was with me as it happened. From that first contraction to the rush to the operating room for the emergency C-section, little did I know how much more I would change after my son Zach arrived.

Through all these changes, so many things have happened.

I went through post-partum depression, something that still haunts me today in many other manifestations like my bond with my son and constant paranoia that the slightest bout of PMS is surely bring back the blanketing darkness.

I learned to sustain another human life with my own body - from pregnancy to breastfeeding. Those changes during breastfeeding were awe-inspiring.

I went through the emergence, butterfly-like, out of the cocoon of depression and spread my maternal wings. Each change I went through then was a new experience, as even the little changes seemed so much more detailed and vivid.

I came off the anti-depressants in time to learn I was pregnant with my daughter. Still the changes continued.

I gave birth to my daughter in January of this year. Now, more changes. More details and nuances that I'd never thought possible.

And the changes continue, with what seems like no end in sight.

I never thought 10,000 dirty diapers would alter a person's life so much.

This post was written by Pam, who's hanging out here at Amy's blog. Pam can usually be found over at her blog, A Boy and His Blog, where Amy is today. Pam needs to change the name of her blog since the birth of her daughter, but you know, the more things change, the more they stay the same.

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