Thursday, July 31, 2008

The Book of Job SOB

SOB has been having a rough time of things lately. It's gotten so awful that he's gone old testament on me and started reading about Job on the internet so that he can determine who was getting screwed by god the worst. 

I'm serious. The man who has absolutely no religious background or education is reading up on the Man of Sorrows. 

Job's first affliction was that he was stripped of his wealth. Well, we never had any wealth to begin with, but things sure have been tight this summer. After several big home improvement projects (the basement waterproofing and the back yard) we were just about even. And then we got audited. As it happens, the federal government wants some of their money back unless we can prove something about some other such thing. Which we can, but we still have to send the payment along with the documents so they can hold onto it until they have time to verify blah blah blah.

Job was also afflicted with painful, ugly boils all over his body. Luckily SOB only has a bad scalp rash, but it does cause him a great deal of discomfort.

It wasn't Job who was cursed with pestilence, it was the Egyptians for their enslavement of the Jews. I believe it was locusts that plagued them. We don't have locusts, luckily, but we do have giant mother fucking wasps that eat them.

These are called cicada killer wasps, and they are infesting our front yard. At first we thought we had moles because of the burrows they dig. No, it just so happens that we have evil, stinging devil bugs that dive at your head if you come with 20 feet of their holes. Our front yard isn't that big, so watering my garden has been a bit of an adventure.

The straw that broke the camel's back, however, occurred on Tuesday night. We finally got together for a date, and both of us had been chomping at the bit to see The Dark Knight. We got tickets, popcorn and settled in to be entertained. The movie was awesome. The actors were unbelievable. And then? With maybe 40 minutes before the film was over, just as the climax was, well, climaxing, a transformer blew somewhere in the area and the power went out. For good. Yes, we get tickets to see the show again, but seriously? That sucks big balls.

I guess he should consider himself lucky that I haven't turned my back on him as Job's wife did. I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that all of our children don't perish at the same time, like poor Job.

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mothergoosemouse said...

That wasp photo is going to give me nightmares. Here I thought the damn cicadas were scary.

I don't know the first thing about Job, but it does sound like life's been rough on SOB (and you too). Should I pray for a miracle?

Mommy Schiff said...

We have those crazy cicada killing wasps in our front yard too! It's horrible when we're innocently playing in our front yard and those babies come around. YIKES! If you figure out a way to get rid of them, let me know. We've tried everything!

Arizaphale said...

Those wasps live in your yard??? Someone has got to go! Do you not have pest control companies there???
I had no idea poor old Job was the bad luck boy of the Bible (I try and avoid the old testamen) but surely you've used up your quota of bad luck by now? Ending of Dark KNight is kick ass btw. Hope you get to see it soon.