Penis and Weiner and Pee-Pee Oh My!

(Alternate Title: The Potty Training Regimine, and How It's Created a Penis Loving Monster)

We've been toying around with potty training for weeks now. Months, really, but who's counting?

I've decided to go hardcore.

After consulting with several people and places and things, I reasoned that the best course of action would be to allow Sam to go pants-less in the house (and on the enclosed porch, but not the yard) and set a timer so that every hour we hit the potty.

We have three different ones to choose from, so he feels like he's in control. We have the potty chair that really is a toy. Just ask Lucy. She thinks it's the cat's fucking meow. Then there is the no frills potty chair. That's in his room and generally only used before bedtime. Then we have a seat that fits over the big potty and a small-ish step that he can use to climb up. This is his fave so far. Plus he can use the step to wash his hands afterwards.

Either way, he peed on the potty sixteen times today. And only once on the floor.

But.

There is always a 'But' isn't there?

My son has become pee-pee obsessed. As in totally into his ween. When I picked him up from school yesterday I consulted with the parent board to see which stories they had read. There was a serious fish theme going on, as all of the books were about fishies. When he got into the car I asked him about his day, as I always do. When I inquired about the types of books they read at school, he replied that they read 'big books.' Now they do often read over-sized books at school, so I rephrased my question. 'Yes,' I said 'but what were they books about?' His answer?

Big pee-pees.

Today in the yard, while firmly encased in a pull-up, Sam and Yani (aka Aunt Allison) got on their backs and gazed at the clouds. Describing what she as seeing, Yani said she saw a cloud that looked like a choo-choo. Sam's cloud?

Looked like a big pee-pee.

Finally, the last straw was just before bedtime. Allison was getting ready to leave so I went upstairs to get Sam an overnight diaper and his pj's. He was laying on the couch with her, all curled up and nekkid as the day he was born. When I got downstairs he jumped up to get changed. Apparently when he was all snuggled up he was also maybe perhaps a little bit interfering with himself. In a totally innocent 2 1/2 year old kind of way, of course. But when he stood up, well, let's just say he was a little surprised.

Mommy! Mine pee-pee! Big!

Oh, this post in going to have to be deleted in about a decade.