Thursday, November 06, 2008

On Bodily Functions

As humans, we all are quite similar to one degree or another. We all have basic needs and requirements in order to maintain our health and well being. Everybody eats and drinks, and therefore everybody must also eliminate waste products from the eating and drinking process. Ergo, everyone pees and poops. I am not immune to this condition. 

Now, had I been born tens of thousands of years ago, I would have tended to my bodily systems in a more rustic fashion, leaves and bushes and whatnot. Luckily for me, I was born in 1979. Toilet paper had already been invented, and even came in many lovely pastel colors back then. Now-a-days we really only have the standard white variety, but the, um, personal care market has exploded in other ways. 

Toilet paper itself comes in a multitude of varieties. There is extra soft, extra strong, quilted, scented, unbleached, and that's just naming a few! But in addition to your regular old fashioned rolls of toilet paper, some companies are now making what is essentially a flush-able baby wipe product for use on average adult humans. There are moist wipes, fresh wipes, and fresh mates available at any number of retail outlets. 

Now there is nothing wrong with the concept behind these wipes. Some executives in Big TP probably heard about people using baby wipes on themselves and decided to cash in. I'm not sure if they are comparably priced, but since they are designed to be flushed and baby wipes are not, there is at least some difference in design. Why not market them to the moms and dads buying the baby wipes and make a buck? 

I was recently looking to pick up a package of moist wipes for my own home. As Sam becomes more skilled in the way of the potty, we more frequently find ourselves plunging a toilet stuffed with baby wipes. He is apparently a delicate little boy who doesn't like the feel of traditional toilet paper against his tiny bum, even though we usually buy the good stuff. He insists on wipes, and most often one doesn't cut it. So on my most recent trip to Target I ran down the TP aisle and absentmindedly threw some adult wipes into my cart.

When I got home and started putting my purchases away, I was shocked when I pulled this out of one of my bags.

Why on earth had I purchased this hideous purple and white thing? And why would any company make anything so inexplicably ugly? What's wrong with plain white packaging? I mean, the reason there is no more pale blue or pink toilet paper is because it was too god awful to buy. What would possess someone to then turn around and design this toilet paper accessory in a putrid purple swirl? Isn't it embarrassing enough to just have this product in your home? I mean, I have a good excuse with the kid and all. If you were just an average person without kids, would you want this noxious violet box announcing to the world, "I can't wipe my own ass well enough with just paper! I need assistance in the form of moist wipes! Quick someone help me zipper my pants!" 


Hey, I promised you a post on bathroom products. I always keep my promises! Also, keep the comments coming on my 1,000 post entry. I'll pick my winner at the end of the weekend!

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1 comment:

Arizaphale said...

How has no one commented on this? And yes, I would like to meet the designer of this road accident. What were they thinking????