Tuesday, December 23, 2008

The Name Game Dilema

On Sunday night we spent time with SOB's extended family. For the most part everything was great. We had dinner in a hotel banquet room so as not to disturb everyone else with our loud children and louder adults. All of the aunts and uncles and cousin were there and no one got punched in the face. Santa came and handed out the Christmas presents and Sam was delighted. 

Everything was great. 

Until it was time to leave. 

I've mentioned before that we don't have much of a relationship with SOB's dad. Since our wedding six and a half years ago we've only seen him three times. Before this Christmas party, the only family events he ever attended were his parents' funerals. I guess now that his father and mother are dead his wife can tolerate spending time with his family. 

So as we were getting ready to go I was leading the kids around to say goodbye. With all of the toys and kids around Sam was easily distracted, so I was frequently instructing him to come and give hugs to aunt and uncle so-and-so. Until we got to SOB's dad. 

Maybe it's evil of me, but I am hesitant to call him Sam's grandfather. Sam is old enough now to understand what a 'Pap Pap' is, and he has certain expectations. Knowing that he isn't likely to see his paternal grandfather again for at least another year, I didn't want to give him the idea that there was another grandparent floating around in the universe. That, and the evil part of me didn't want to give SOB's dad the satisfaction. In my book, you don't get the title of 'grandpa' unless you actually took one of the many opportunities you were presented with to meet your grandchild before their second birthday.

So instead of saying, 'Come and say goodbye to grandpa' I said, 'Come and say goodbye over here.' Awkward, yes, but kind of skirts my issues. 

What do you think? What would you have done? I am open to any and all suggestions!

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Rissa said...

Sam, come over here and say bye to daddy's sperm donor.

Amy Jo said...

Just spit out my water. Thanks for the laugh!

Amy Jo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lora said...

I don't know what happened to my last comment, I got an error message. Sorry if it shows up later.

Jake calls my dad Grandpa. I like the coldness and generic distance it implies.

I called my grandads "Poppa"
Dave called his "Pop Pop"

Jake has Pop-Pop (Dave's dad), Poppy (D's grandad) and Grandpa.

Arizaphale said...

Sounds like you handled it well!
You'll have to make a decision at some point about what you're going to call him but best not do it in a pressured situation. We have Grandma and Grandad (my parents) and Nanny and Poppy (the BA's paternal grandparents). They all chose their own names.

Anonymous said...

It's weird isn't it? Family, especially family that doesn't act like family, can be weird. You, Amy, are pretty cool with all of your family. I think you did fine to even include SOB's dad in getting a hug. He's a grown man, after all. It's up to him to make an effort to know your kids. Not all up to you or Sam or Lucy to do all of the work.

Love you, and it sounds like you had a pretty merry christmas, despite all the weird unasked-for presents. (good luck with the registry next year, especially with the Grammy W contingent!) BTW, sorry my Christmas cards just didn't get out this year. "Winter Letter" coming to your neighborhood soon. Lots of love, Aunt Nee