Tuesday, April 28, 2009

An Open Letter To My Boobs

Dear Boobies - 

First of all, I'd like to thank you. You have nourished and sustained my two preshus babes and I'm sure you'll do right by the third. They have grown happy and fat on the fruits of your labor. And in general, you've kept a pretty nice profile, especially in the right bra. 

But therein lies the problem: The Bra.

You see, back sometime in 2005, before I got knocked up for the first time, you were a tiny, manageable little pair. I had literally dozens of bras in a variety of colors and styles, all in the easy to find size of 34B. Occasionally I had to buy an A cup or those smartly marketed 'Barely B' cups. I mean, look at those tatas back in September '05

Throughout my pregnancy with Sam, though, you grew. You grew a lot. I remember visiting a friend I hadn't seen in a while when I was about 24 weeks along, and the first thing she said when she saw me was 'Ohmygod your boobs are huge!' After Sam was born you really hit a growth spurt and exploded with milk. Look at this photo of me and my grammy with Sam from May '06. There was some serious boobage going on then. 

After we moved to Atlanta I gained some weight. I think it might have had something to do with testing out all of the new pizza/mexican/chinese takeout places, but it also might have had a little to do with being depressed. Then I got knocked up again. The weight gain/new baby in mah belly comby only served to motivate you to grow more. At that point I could fill out a C cup, but those were even getting a little tight.

Cut to now. I need to get a new bra for a wedding this weekend, because the only two I have that fit are a pair of stretched-beyond-belief nursing bras. I've picked up three different bras a three different locations and have had to return all of them. The smart thing to do would be to try them on in the store, but since I've had Sam with me all three times I've decided to skip the fitting rooms. Especially once he started offering me advice on colors and such. 

The size of these returned bras? 36D. 

Today I managed to get a minute in the fitting room alone thanks to my dear friend Carrie, and I was able to squeeze everything tastefully into a 38D. I would have preferred a DD, but they didn't have any. But it'll do. Luckily the straps aren't three inches wide, though it does have a four hook clasp. 

So boobs, let's make a deal, ok? You don't get any bigger during this pregnancy and nursing session, and I'll make sure I lose at least 25 pounds post-pregnancy. If most of that weight drops out from my cups, I might mourn a little for my lost cleavage, but just think of all those bras just sitting dormant in my drawer that will get a new chance at life! Everybody wins!

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Heather! said...

these years do some interesting work on the top half, don't they? I swear by the $12 cheapie nursing bras from Walmart. hell, I'm even wearing one now even though the boy is long since done nursing. okay so it is laundry day, but still I have no excuse. funny these things men never have to consider! ;-)

Lora said...

I hear you loud and clear, and you have my deepest sympathies. I went bra shopping yesterday. Ugh.

What happened to your full feeds? They were so beautiful while they lasted. Now I'm days behind on your blog!

susan said...

Oooh, ouch. Bra shopping is the pits.

Arizaphale said...

You wait until, like my child-free Bestie, you have a 38F bra size. As she says, they only make titanium reinforced bras at that size. She recently bought a bodice to entice her Betrothed but it suffered structural damage after one outing.There are no colour choices available at 38F. White or flesh. That is it.
You see? THere's always someone worse off than yourself ;-D

Vera said...

I saw your comment on my friend Stacy's blog and I had to pop over and say hi, because my daughter's name is Amelia Joelle - but we call her Amy Jo :) I loved this post... I was a G cup once shortly after a pregnancy - G!!! I didn't even know that existed! Eeep!