A Visit to the OB, from the Preschooler's Perspective

Today I had the inglorious pleasure of having Sam and Lulu accompany me to my 30 week OB appointment. Luckily, this wasn't an appointment that required the removal of my pants, so even though it was less than ideal it could have been worse. But and however, I forgot just how much older Sam is now compared to the last time he joined me at the doctor's office. He was only 18 months old at Lucy's birth, so his level of curiosity this time around was waaaaaaaaaay higher.

For starters, the waiting room perplexed him. As far as I can remember, he's only ever been to the pediatrician, the pediatric dentist and the ENT. So when I released him from the stroller, he immediately scanned the room for books, toys, other kids, etc. When he didn't find any, he decided to peruse the adult magazine selection. He wasn't very interested in the WebMD magazine, and Conceive confused him quite a bit. There was a tv, but it was set to CNN, with a sternly worded note about how changing the channel would result in the loss of a finger. Luckily I came prepared with his 'bideo' game and some penguin gummies.

The first, and luckily only, major trial came about ten minutes after our arrival. It wasn't busy, so I let the kids out of the stroller in the waiting room. I explained to them in very plain language that once we were called to go back, their butts would be parked back into the stroller, buckles and all. (I've learned that my kids like to Houdini out of the stroller when not tightly secured, and I won't be making that mistake again.) Of course, before the called me back, Sam decided he had to go pee. I knew he was serious because he jumped right in the stroller without protest, so I just had to gather up Lucy and get her ready to roll.

Guess who didn't want any part of getting back in the stroller?

Guess who threw a fit right in front of the big, windowless door, almost guaranteeing an injury?

Guess who spent the better part of five minutes screaming 'No! No! No!' and 'I don't want it, Mommy!' at the top of her lungs?

I was only finally able to subdue her after she bonked her head on a table during her thrashings. Not hard, mind you, but hard enough that she wanted me to hold her. Which I did. For 3.2 seconds and then I threw her ass in the stroller and locked her down tight.

By this time, Sam was pinching at his crotch and squirming a lot, so I ran them back to the rest room and counted my lucky stars we made it in time. It was a large, open single room facility, so I actually lingered a few minutes, rather than subject the waiting room people to our antics again. Also, I figured that while I was already there, I might as well give my urine sample. I sat down and grabbed a cup from the stack and went about my business.

And then I realized that both kids were staring at me like I had trees growing from the top of my head.

Lucy just sat there looking puzzled, while Sam demanded that I dump out that cup of pee before someone accidentally drank it. I tried to explain to them that sometimes doctors use pee to see if you are healthy or sick, and while Sam kind of understood what I was getting at, Lucy just looked at me with a deadpan face and said, 'Gwoss.'

I lingered long enough in the potty so that we went straight to the exam room from there. After both kids got over their giggles from pointing at the anatomically correct poster and screaming 'nipple!' 362 times, I gave them some suckers and hoped for the best. When the nurse came in to weigh me and take my blood pressure, Sam told her all about how he has one of those 'arm measuring things' at home, and how he uses it to make me all better.

And then we had The Moment. The moment that, even if the kids had been terrors to the highest degree, would have made bringing them along all worth it. The nurse pulled out the doppler and some goo, and within seconds the room was filled with the 'whoosh-whoosh-whoosh' of the baby's heartbeat. Sam sat so still, listening with his head slightly cocked to one side, to the sound of his little brother or sister's heart pumping within the walls of my belly. And I almost died of happiness just looking at his face right then.

Until Lucy interrupted our serenity when she bit her tongue trying to bite her lollipop.

After a brief visit with a new doctor, I left with both kids and my sanity intact. And a new found excitement about introducing my kids to their new sibling.