Tuesday, July 28, 2009

The Battle of the Buzz

A few weeks ago I wrote about my fear of bees, and what I believe to be the root cause of it. But what I didn't touch on is how I've been working to conquer this fear.

As someone who has recently developed a love of gardening, I must embrace the bee, for without it I would have no garden. You've seen Bee Movie, right? I spend time in my garden daily, and I am frequently surrounded by any number of honey bees and bumble bees. (Aside: SOB if you are reading this, please click on the link for bumble bees and read the part about stinging, because THEY DO STING! WRONG! YOU WERE WRONG!) (I love you babee!) And while I don't love spending so much time around these horrible buzzing insects, well, I haven't been stung so far. Which leads me to my next point...

As a rational, non-allergic, adult human, I know in an academic sense that a bee sting, while painful, is not deadly.

Seriously, I'm considering a natural, drug free childbirth and I'm afraid of a wimpy little bee sting? Baby thru va-jay-jay VS insect attack? WHAT THE EFF IS MY PROBLEM?!??!!!?!??!?! Give yourselves a moment to really let that sink in, ok? Because it takes time to digest that high intensity type of insanity.

At its worst, a bee sting will hurt, itch a little and maybe swell. And guess what? If I got stung it would make for some great blog fodder, so really? Not a total negative!

In that vein, I have been trying to fight my fear.

So far this growing season, things have been going well. I have spent time frolicking amongst my six-legged neighbors and we have managed to co-exist peacefully.

Until this past weekend. Because guess who came home to roost?

I have declared an out-and-out war on these vile mother fuckers. On Saturday afternoon I hunted one down and attacked it with a combination my wits, a kneeling pad and a shoe. These creatures are so aggressive and evil (even though the females only sting when handled and males have no stinging ability) that they will dive bomb my mini-van, which is like a ga-gillon times bigger than they are! They seem to have nested in the shrubbery this year, which makes their holes harder to find and spray with poison, so I've been forced to get medieval.

Besides, it is so god damned satisfying to hear them crunch underfoot that I get some kind of weird natural high from it.

I think I'm making progress, don't you?

Stumble Upon Toolbar


Leslie said...

OMG. I remember the first time I spied one of those monsters. I just thought it was a mutant, giant wasp. Good luck on mission Cicada Killer Killing.

susan said...

Awesome. I hate those little bastards!

Arizaphale said...

Oh definite progress. People keep telling us here that if you kill one wasp he releases a ferromone and all his mates come out to 'get' you. I don't know. I'm suspicious...but I'm also not taking a chance. That thing is hideous in the extreme. Makes our little 'European' wasps look like fleas.