Yesterday my father signed his retirement papers. As of my birthday (February 1st, in case you forgot) he is a retiree! Despite a little confusion going into the process, both of my parents are super-excited for this. As you can probably imagine, I am too. Just knowing that we'll have someone at the ready for my other kids when this baby decides to come is a huge weight off of my shoulders. I'm also hoping that by giving Lucy unfettered access to her Pappy, maybe pointless tantrums will come to an end. Because having a loose ponytail? IS NOT A TANTRUM-ABLE OFFENSE.
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Speaking of this baby, Sam informed me today that he wanted to be present when his brother arrives, and that even if he is sleeping I should wake him up. I reminded him that I would be going to the hospital and not having the baby at home, and that kids usually weren't allowed to come with mommies during that time. He made a certain face, so I knew he was thinking carefully about what he was about to say.
'The thing is, mom, I really wanna know how that baby pops out of you,' he said.
I'm sure at that moment I also made a face that showed how deliberately I was choosing my next words. I gently told him that the baby will come out of my private parts. It's one of those things that kids might find scary or gross, even though it isn't, that it just takes being a grown-up to really understand it all. I told him he could ask me any questions he liked, I would answer them as best I could.
Naturally, he looked a little freaked out. He thought some more and then declared that he did not want to be there when his brother was born, but maybe he could come visit once I put my pants back on.
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SNOOOOOOOOOOOOW! MORE FREAKING SNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!11!1!!! And for some reason our school isn't closed. Which means my 33+ week pregnant ass has to schlep out with both girls to pick up Sam and his carpool buddy at 3pm. Wish us luck!
3 comments:
OMG Amy, you had me rolling on the floor! I love the things kids say!
You have heard the things the BA asked me over time haven't you? I liked the way my friend described the birth canal as 'a special stretchy place that only ladies have'.....
Have him call Jake, he'll give him the rundown. Dave told him the truth about all of it last summer. I don't know what ever possessed him to do it.
This weekend Jake called me upstairs to tell me that he couldn't stop thinking about when he was inside my vagina and the loud "pppllllbbbbttttt" sounds it kept making.
I told him for the 1000th time that he didn't come out of my vagina, and he said, "wow mom, you sure did have a lot of farts inside you"
Screw him, man. I do not have a lot of farts inside of me.
Usually.
Also, I dreamed last night that you and I had to share a bed because SOB wasn't about to put up with any of your sleepless nonsense anymore. And you had a drawer full of girl scout cookies (like, just tossed in there in heaps, out of the boxes) next to your bed so I didn't complain.
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