Sometimes it's hard not to.
In the past few weeks, all three school-age kids have had their parent-teacher conferences. In the cases of Sam and Lucy, we kind of knew what to expect. With Sam, we weren't surprised to hear about his behavior issues, but we were a little dismayed to find that his behavior issues were overshadowing his academic abilities. In Lucy's case, her academic capacity was noted, but downplayed because of her teacher's (perceived) issues with her behavior. Maggie, on the other-other hand, got a fucking gold star in every category.
It's especially hard not to compare the girls. They go to the same school, have the same classroom setups, and are getting the same evaluations. Granted, they are adjusted for age, but that might have made it even harder for me. For her age, Maggie is performing above and beyond. For her age, Lucy is lagging behind quite a bit. Compounding the issues, Maggie is being compared against other 3 year-olds with little or no experience in a Montessori classroom, while Lucy is being compared against kindergarten children who have had two or three years experience in a Montessori classroom. When I attended open house last week, her inexperience was abundantly clear in the classroom materials decorating the walls. I came home and cried. A lot. To several different people.
I love my Lucy with all of my heart, and I always think of this song when I'm feeling sad or weary about her. Please go and watch the video link in the upper right hand corner.
It's not so much what we have in the life that matters,
It's what we do with what we have.
The alphabet is fine, but it's what we do with it that matters most.
Making words like 'friend' and 'love,'
That's what really matters.
- Fred Rogers
And now I'm crying again.