Thursday, July 18, 2013

Suburban Peep Show

When you are a homeowner, your to-do list is always three pages long. Some items are major, like gut and remodel bathrooms and basement,  and some are relatively minor, like weed the front mulch beds. Plus, you have your standard daily tasks. Most days I usually end up vacuuming something, and unless it rains I water my garden.

It was while I was watering my garden the other day that I was all of a sudden motivated to tackle a task I've been avoiding for quite some time. We have a rather invasive outcropping of a woody-weed-like thing that I can't quite identify. It might be box elder. It might be green ash. It might be whothefuckcares. But it's been coming up around our yard all spring and summer and needed to be dealt with, finally. I have a magically powerful pair of pruning shears, so I got my work gloves, my magic shears and got down to business.

The first few were easy. They were isolated and small, and with one swift snip they were no more. A few were harder to get at, growing within a bed of flowers or shrubs. And finally, there was the Big One. We noticed this one growing all the way back in March or April, and by this point it was as tall as I was, but three times as wide. Getting at it was a little more than I had bargained for, and there were moments I thought I was going to fail. Or get some serious poison ivy. But with determination and stamina, I managed to get the effing thing cut down.

As I was catching my breath, I needed to wipe the sweat from my brow. I reached down for my shirt and realized that, in my haste, I had completed this task in my bathing suit and cover up, which basically looks like a strapless black mini-dress. I was bending over and pulling at tree branches with all of my sweaty might on a very heavily trafficked road in next to nothing. So to the brave souls who traversed route 19 on Wednesday July 17, to you I say I'm sorry. Or your welcome, if that's the sort of thing you are into.


To cleanse the palate, here is an adorable photo of Fred with C-3P0, or as Fred calls him, Star Wars.

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1 comment:

Arizaphale said...

Great mental picture! Don't let a short skirt get in the way of pruning I say1!