Thursday, February 06, 2014

My Two Sons

This is Fred crying because we took him out in the snow. As he requested. 

My boys, my lovely little fellas, have been being a humongous pain in the neck these past few weeks. I've avoided writing about because I was hoping it was a short phase brought on by the inconsistent school schedules and horrible weather we've been having. That may very well be true, but because of some damn groundhog we're looking at another six weeks of this shit, so I'm assuming the bad behavior isn't going away any time soon.

Fred. Oh my sweet little baby Fred. I was the last one to know about this shift in your behavior. You saved up all of your smiles and cuddles for your mama. Unfortunately you ran out sometime in the middle of last week, and now all I get is screaming and poking and hitting and spitting. And the whining, my god the whining. The only thing in life that you desire is a "blaster toy", which you will point at someone and scream FREEZE RAY! Thank you Star Wars and Despicable Me. Mostly, people don't like gun-type things pointed at their faces, and this particular blaster toy makes a sound that would drive even the most patient person insane. So we hide it from you. But usually you find it, and since we're smart enough to hide it up high, you just sit on the floor under said "blaster toy" and wail. "Fred, stop crying." "BUT I WANT A BLASTER TOY!" "Fred, come eat dinner." "BUT I WANT A BLASTER TOY!" "Here, have a cupcake instead." "BUT I WANT A BLASTER TOY!" If it wasn't Sam's effing blaster toy, we would have thrown it away weeks ago.

Speaking of Sam, guess who's grounded until he's 42? He's developed the attitude of a teenager, combined with the anger management issues of a DMV employee, and the impulse control of a toddler, with a touch of hormonal pregnant lady peppered in there, just for laughs. He's been alternately weepy (over NOTHING) then shove-y, then mouthy, and then punchy. Mostly with us at home, but I've seen it happen after school and at hockey. He actually got kicked out of practice on Monday (by me) for being way to rough with his team mates and giving me enough lip to last a lifetime. The hilarious thing about this is that he's practically been an angel during school, and his piano teacher sent me a long email last week about how lovely he is (and Lucy, too). I'm worried because he doesn't seem to pick up on social cues, and so he'll be goofing around with a friend, things will get a little too rough, and Sam, who is a giant among second graders, can't seem to stop himself. Even after calling his name 3 or 4 times, he doesn't stop what he's doing, and I usually have to intervene physically. If he's with his friends or team mates, it doesn't come off as malicious, just annoying. Lucy, on the other hand, he seems intent on killing.

We're going on vacation in a few weeks, and we're going to be spending a lot of quality time together, including TWO 16 hour car rides. I hope we all make it back with our sanity (and limbs) intact. 

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