The Raging Debate

My in-laws...what to say? Her Bad Mother is having a similar dilemma about family and where the blog boundaries are. The main issue is with my father-in-law and his wife. I'm going to throw caution to the wind, mostly because I know there is no way in hell that they are reading this, and Dr. SOB's mom, who occasionally stops by, won't mind any ex-husband trashing!

Dr. SOB and his dad were close when he was young. When his parents split up, he stayed with his dad and for a while they lived in bachelor-style bliss. This was all during his early teen years. When his dad remarried and his step-mother moved in, things were not pretty. I believe he referred to her as 'couch-butt' on more than one occasion. After a while, the young Dr. gave up and moved in with his mother. I came on the scene soon after and thought I could fix everything by wooing Step-mother. Boy howdy was I wrong! Despite the fact that I would go over and clean house with her, and I always remembered her birthday, I became the family scapegoat. Any time there was a disagreement between Dr. and his dad, it was my fault. Even thought she was the one who irreparably damaged their relationship! When we got married, she refused to come, and that was the nail in her coffin. Ever since then, Dr. SOB will gladly see his father, but only if step-mother is absent. Also, it's not just us. All of the siblings have this strained of a relationship with him. There was a nice period of time when they were separated, and we all secretly hoped that they'd get divorced, but no dice.

When Sam was born, we called to tell him. He expressed interest in meeting him, and even emailed me for pictures and to ask about the baptism, to which they never showed. While I was in Pittsburgh with the boy, I was going to take Sam to meet his grandpa. However, I was informed that he wasn't allowed to see us because his wife was out of town. Even though there was no way we could have known that, we were the ones held responsible for being in town while she was not. Dr. SOB was so mad that he swore she would never be allowed to see Sam. So the dilemma is if Grandpa isn't allowed to see us without his wife present, but Dr. SOB refuses to allow her to see the baby, what so we do? The plan at the moment is to take some time off from them. We're going to stop sending them pictures, and not call them for a while. But I have a feeling that there won't be a resolution to this for a very long time, if ever.

What do I tell this child when he is older and wants to know about his other grandfather? How does Dr. SOB's father sleep at night knowing this perfectly innocent boy is being denied a relationship with his family because his wife is a crazy control freak? Is it wrong of me to wish her ill will? How about a huge facial tumor? It makes me so mad I could spit! Look at this boy! How could you deny this face?

Edited to add: fucking blogger isn't god-damned working right now and my adorable picture of Sam won't upload, so please imagine if you will the most edible smiling baby face you've ever seen after that sentence above, ok? Thanks!