Tuesday, September 16, 2008

The Year of the Turd

God why? I just didn't think I was due for another ugly poop situation. I mean, ever since Lucy was born I feel like I've been overloaded with feces. We had the overflowing toilet incident back in January. Then there was the time Lucy pooped in the tub, and while that wasn't too traumatic, it was still poop. There was even a toilet on our lawn as a direct result of some poop issues. 

But potty training. Oh, potty training. Because of you I have had to deal with an inordinate amount of poop related issues and I'm really not happy about that. It's one thing to have to wipe someone else's bum. I've been doing that for years, and while it requires a whole new set of skills to wipe a toddler bottom after using the toilet, it's really same old same old.

The problem is when that toddler decides that bum wiping is for the birds and runs away from you. Or hides and then poops on the floor. And then steps in the poop and tracks it all over the house when he tries to find you to tell you he pooped on the floor. And then poops on the floor again, in the bathroom, mere inches from the potty, while you are busy cleaning up the poop on the floor in the living room. And dining room. And hallway. And kitchen. And then poops again in your shower while you are trying to clean the previous two poops worth of mess off of his little legs. 

Back in Atlanta I was riding in our elevator with a girl and her new puppy. Seeing Sam in his stroller, she commented about how having a puppy was a lot like having a new baby, what with all the walks and poop on the floor. I don't recall exactly what my response was to her, but I remember it was snarky-bordering-on-bitchy. 

I think I owe someone an apology.

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susan said...

If it helps any, I'm so fed up with the (lack of)potty training that I decreed it officially over a week ago Friday. He'll have figured it out by kindergarten. Either that or it won't matter to me because my head will have exploded and then it will no longer be my problem.

I feel your pain.

Lora said...

This sounds terrible. As for wiping, I ask Jake to get on all fours "like a doggy" because it opens up his butt and makes wiping easier. It's so gross.

We have the oppposite problem here, in that Jake refuses to poop anywhere but a toilet or a diaper, but only when "he is ready" so more often than not we deal with constipation and then a giant blow out. It's awful.

md said...

I must remember to keep my shoes on in your house, just to be safe.

Linda said...