Odds and Ends

Obviously this has been a crazy week. Let me share with you some of the more, shall we say interesting, moments thus far.

*My son got a splinter on his testicles. While in his bed. How the fuck does that happen? Though we've shared the names of his genitalia with him, he can't seem to remember 'penis' and 'testicles'. When he alerted me to the splinter, he said it was in the wrinkly part near his bum.

*The other day my elder daughter thought it would be a good idea to share a bowl of black raspberries with her younger sister in the 39 seconds it takes me to pee. Maggie was in this contraption we call a walk-around. It basically is a seat that satellites around an activity table, like an inside-out exersaucer. Well, Maggie was smart enough to not eat any of the berries, but she did dump them out and then walk and roll all over them. Her feet are still a pale shade of purple. I just thank jesus they were on the wood floor and not on the white carpet.

(PS: Who the eff has WHITE CARPET?)

*Speaking of Jesus, we were accosted at the DMV by some kee-razy evangelical christians. We were waiting in our third line of the day (DMV, remember?) when the kids started to get a little rammy. SOB took them out of the way as I filled out some forms, and when I went to join them a young man in black pants and a short sleeved white shirt was sitting on the floor with them telling a story. The kids were quiet, and so we stood by and listened closely. The story was vaguely biblical, but not in a beat-you-over-the-head kind of way. But when we were leaving, he ran back over to us and gave us a DVD called "CONFRONTING EVOLUTION." A small and evil part of me wanted to lean in and softly whisper in his ear, 'We're atheists' but I'm not that cruel. Besides, the DVD should be good for a few laughs, right?

*This didn't freak my shit out at all...

Do you see the evil wasp larvae there? Have you puked yet, because I have. Like, three times.

THESE LITTLE FUCKERS WERE LIVING THREE FEET FROM MY BACK DOOR. In case you're new here, let me assure you that I hate and fear bees/wasps/hornets/anyfuckingthing that flies and buzzes more than pretty much any other thing on this here earth. Luckily, I called upon a gem of a fella who dispatched of them quite handily. Suck it, bees.

*My older children are conspiring to send me to the nut hatch. That's all I can say about them without getting myself into big trouble. *Cough-anyonewanttobuyakid-cough* Love ya, Sam and Lu!

*Even though I had to say goodbye to some of my favorite posies, I have these guys to help me adjust:

*I re-joined Weight Watchers today. This will likely end up a post of its own, but I wanted to put it out there for accountability.

I wish I had some more drivel for you, but I guess it's time to call it a night. A good weekend to ya'll!